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Post by Neku Sakuraba on Feb 1, 2013 2:09:11 GMT -5
A reluctant, soft knock sounded on Shiki's door.... my fist was the one doing the knocking.
I hoped she heard the knock. It was the middle of the night, she was probably asleep....
"Please be home," I whispered. I could call to her in her dreams - part of me knew I could, but not how. I wasn't sure I wanted to know how. I felt inhuman enough as it was tonight, I didn't want to be playing with powers I didn't have any right having.
I was ready enough to collapse as it was.
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Post by Shiki on Feb 1, 2013 15:27:18 GMT -5
Somehow, she heard the knock. Blinking her eyes open Shiki sat up, rubbing her eyes. Who wanted her at this time? Standing slowly she walked to the door, straightening her shirt and running a hand through her hair, supressing a yawn.
At first she only cracked it open and peeked through the slit, then held the door wider and stared wide eyed at the person who stood there. "Neku?"
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Post by Neku Sakuraba on Feb 2, 2013 4:33:39 GMT -5
"Shiki," I said quietly. I knew my haunted eyes were green, even though I'd somehow managed to pull together enough consciousness to be human for the short trek down the hall to where Shiki lived.
Tears were welling in my eyes, and I felt my control fraying, threatening to tear loose. I squeezed my eyes shut, which helped me concentrate, but did nothing about the tears.
"....I don't know what to do," I said, my voice sounding strained even to me. "I don't know what to do..."
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Post by Shiki on Feb 2, 2013 15:49:41 GMT -5
"Hey," Shiki said gently, reaching out and taking Neku's wrist, "Come on...we'll fix that."
Now wide awake, she lead him inside without waiting for his response, turning on the lights which she had forgotten to do. Then Shiki pull him onto the couch and sat facing him, her expression one of concern, but waited for Neku to talk first.
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Post by Neku Sakuraba on Feb 2, 2013 16:47:40 GMT -5
I looked at Shiki, tears filing my eyes and not really able to hold it together anymore. SInce we were inside, and Shiki already knew, I stopped holding on.
"She's gone," I said quietly. "I let her go. I was okay for a while, I guess I was runnng on auto, but... it just hit me. She's gone. I woke up and for once, she wasn't wrapping my wing into an uncomfy position trying to keep warm wthout me knowing, she wasn't there. She's not there. She hates me, and it's all my fault and this was the best thng I could have ever done for her, but... I still can't.... can't let go. I'm such a horrible person, Shiki.... just.... I just...."
I hate cryng, but Nami seems to make me do it a lot. Instead of withdrawing, I grabbed Shiki and hugged her. I needed somebody's shoulder to cry on and Shiki was the only one I could really thnk of to turn to.
"I don't know what to do, Shiki..... I don't know what to do.... she's gone and she's never coming back and it's all my fault....!"
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Post by Shiki on Feb 2, 2013 18:36:54 GMT -5
"Neku..." Shiki wrapped her arms around him, let him cry. "She does not hate you. After all the two of you have been through, I don't think she would have if that were true."
Shaking her head she continued, "It is not all your fault. There were a lot of things that factored into what happened, probably more than I know about and maybe even more than you do. It's no reason to believe you're horrible, because you're not."
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Post by Neku Sakuraba on Feb 2, 2013 20:15:14 GMT -5
"I.... I did the right thing... why do I feel so bad about it?"
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Post by Shiki on Feb 2, 2013 21:50:02 GMT -5
"Because you love her," Shiki said softly, "Sometimes the right thing is the hardest to do and even harder to accept."
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Post by Neku Sakuraba on Feb 2, 2013 22:18:13 GMT -5
"I do," I said quietly. "I love her more than... more than anythng." I let Shiki go. "Shiki, why did I have to let her go? I swear... it had to be the right decision but I still.... I still want to have changed my mind at the last minute, to have begged her to stay... selfishness, pure selfishness. No more and no less than someone would expect from...."
I didn't finish my sentence, gazing down at my claws, feeling my wings shift against my back.
"Selfishness. Anger... rage at myself, rage at her, rage at everything... but this pain in my heart is so human. It's.... confusing...."
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Post by Shiki on Feb 2, 2013 23:33:53 GMT -5
Shiki narrowed her eyes, not in anger, but almost disappointment. "You shouldn't stereotype yourself like that. There are differences between you and other demons. Neku, you love her. Just because it was the right choice doesn't mean that you're going to be totally okay with it, even regret it."
For a moment she was quiet. Then she said, "Look, when Sora left I was the same way. I was angry at him and the world, everything for a long time. I wanted him back, and it was a selfish thing to want because I knew why he had to leave. It's not a demonic thing. It's love. Because you care about her, it hurts to have to know she's not here. Wanting her back is only natural."
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Post by Neku Sakuraba on Feb 3, 2013 0:10:10 GMT -5
"You still miss him, right?" I asked quietly. "I'm sorry. You have so many problems, you don't need mine on top of them... I shouldn't have come..."
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Post by Shiki on Feb 3, 2013 0:29:23 GMT -5
Shiki made sure he was looking her in the eyes as she answered him, "If I didn't want to hear any of what you had to say, I wouldn't have opened that door. This is not a waste of my time or adding more problems. This is acknowledgement."
To answer his question, she nodded slowly, "I do miss him. Am I still angry? Yeah, I'll admit it. But I'm not as furious as before. I wish he'd come back and stay. I miss him a lot, every day. Some people probably would ask why I don't move on but...I won't. I refuse to."
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Post by Neku Sakuraba on Feb 3, 2013 0:31:28 GMT -5
"You're still waiting for him," I said numbly, sitting back a bit. "That's some kind of dedication.... even when he left, you didn't stop waiting..."
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Post by Shiki on Feb 3, 2013 0:37:53 GMT -5
She looked off to the side, "I used to be afraid of admitting that I loved him. Not anymore. And because I know I love him, I will wait, as impatient as I am." Turning back to Neku she said, "I can't give up on him. If I have to get through whatever comes at me without him...then I will. But I won't give up."
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Post by Neku Sakuraba on Feb 3, 2013 0:45:08 GMT -5
"I'm such an idiot," I told her, "for letting Nami go. Aren't I? Even if it may be best.... I gave up. The problems we were facing... they werne't terrible. They weren't things we couldn't get through. They weren't even as bad as you and Sora were faceing.... and I gave up."
I slammed my face into my palm. "I can't believe myself, and now it's too late to do anything about my monumental screwup!"
I suddenly felt like screaming, putting a hole in Shiki's wall, throwing her furniture across the room. All things I could've done in my own apartment, but that was a place I'd paid for. I wasn't going to wreck Shiki's things. Instead, I stood explosively, took two steps away from the couch. My anger was tangible, I could feel it all around me... so I worked, worked deep and long and hard to pull it back inside.
Like swallowing glass shards.
But I wasn't going to scare Shiki the way I scared Namine.
When I was done, I fell to my knees, silent.
"......I'm sorry," I said quietly. "I'm so sorry...."
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