Post by Aya Brea on Feb 1, 2012 1:55:58 GMT -5
{If you turn the pages of the past
You'll often find a story without an ending
No "amen" to say it's over
All you have is a name you would rather forget...}
Father... How could you do this to me? You've buried this seed of anger and insecurity so deep... How can you dig it up and get rid of it when it's been there for so long? The tiny seed that once was so small, has grown to become the person I am now.
I'll always hate you Father.
I sat in my living room, deep in thought. Lea, Noctis... Both have been so kind, so caring, and yet I did not trust them. Why? Will this wall I've built up ever be torn down?... No. Never, it is who I am. Just a silly guarded girl. All due to a miserable man, one that didn't care for others, just his own design on how life should be. God forbid you let go of your grasp ever so slightly in case your children broke free of you, eh father?... Still though... Maybe I should have stayed, maybe I could've...
Eve... My sister... I miss you so... Big blue eyes, glimmering gold hair, innocent. She was just nine when I condemned her to Hell.
{But it isn't over yet.
Not when you built your castle out of barricades
To guard against the fools you beat so long ago
Long before you even knew they were fools, but
Even long still since you saw a God in anyone}
My thoughts kept wandering back and forth between the present and the past.
I stood from my couch and began to pace. Have I really changed that much? No. If Lea started telling me what to do, even if it were to save my life, would I rebel and leave? Or would I listen to him? Would I listen to the point that I would become that insecure girl who cannot think for herself anymore once again? Every possible answer scared me. I didn't want to be alone but I didn't want to rely on someone when at any given moment they may run or take complete control.
What of Izaya? He would take control if he saw the opportunity. There was no doubt, but at least with him there was certainty on what he would do, and as long as I remained useful to him, he would stay, he would take over, I would become his living puppet on his string.
I shook my head, trying to clear my head out. I can't think of Izaya, I shouldn't. The only time I should is when I'm trying to think of a way out of my deal with him. His smile though... Always sends chills down my spine, his smile is one that you should beware of. One you should never hope to see.
In a sick twisted way though, I welcomed it. I couldn't help but to smile back at him.
{And, for such an independent soul,
You sure wanted to believe in someone else
Can you blame them that you hate them?
Smirking girl, you ask too much}
It's a disease, allowing Izaya in my life. Why? Why did I do it? Lea... You were right, weren't you?
Of course he was, even if he was wrong about Izaya, he is still just trying to look out for me. I'm an adult though, I don't need someone to watch over me! I'm allowed to make my own mistakes!
I took a deep breath and sat back down, covering my face with my hands. Why was I getting so angry at him? He's just ensuring that I don't make his mistakes, fall into that pit where even you begin to see yourself as a tool to be used, then thrown away once the job was finished. Who'd want to think like that? To have so little self respect for yourself?
If I stayed the way I am now though, I'm well on my way.
How pathetic am I though? I want to be told what to do, where to go. I want to be free though. I know though that for me, there is no middle ground, I'll end up doing the extreme of either side.
{Who said anyone would show you the way?
Who said anyone would care what you'll do someday?
You're all alone here
You can't buy what isn't there
You're all alone here
You can't change what isn't fair}
I removed my hands away from my face and looked around. I guess I'll always be this way. I'll be alone but not truly alone because Lea and Noctis wouldn't allow it. In solitude, but still stalked but Izaya's ever watchful gaze.
Maybe I should have stayed home and gotten dragged to Hell. There was a certainty about my life there, it wouldn't be a good life but it wouldn't be a constant question either. I'd still have my mother and Eve as well, I'd see that bastard of a father suffer. They must hate me though, even if I were to go to the otherworld and see them, they would hate me. Wouldn't they? I was old enough to try, I was 16, but...
There was a knock on the door and I stood from where I sat and walked over. I unlocked the door at a snails pace and opened it to find a familiar face.
How? I... My mouth dropped open in shock. He stood there, smile on his face, not a scratch on him. How did he...? It's impossible. How did he find where I lived? This is a dream... This is a dream!
Only one word was able to escape my mouth.
"Father...."
{How obstinate you are
You can't forgive them
All they did was make you cry
On every day that passed you by
How wise they were to know you didn't like them
How foolish they should have to ask you why}
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ok Vicky here, hi peoples!
Anyways, obviously this is about Aya, I wasn't really planning on doing any writing things about her, but then I got in the writing mood and was listening to this
I got the sudden desire to write something sad and the saddest character I have = Aya so... Yeah
Feel free to critique and all that, I hope you enjoyed it and gave you insight into Aya's character and her what seems to be the cluster-f*** of emotions and guilt she has.
BTW Poem is Smirking Girl by Emilie Autumn
You'll often find a story without an ending
No "amen" to say it's over
All you have is a name you would rather forget...}
Father... How could you do this to me? You've buried this seed of anger and insecurity so deep... How can you dig it up and get rid of it when it's been there for so long? The tiny seed that once was so small, has grown to become the person I am now.
I'll always hate you Father.
I sat in my living room, deep in thought. Lea, Noctis... Both have been so kind, so caring, and yet I did not trust them. Why? Will this wall I've built up ever be torn down?... No. Never, it is who I am. Just a silly guarded girl. All due to a miserable man, one that didn't care for others, just his own design on how life should be. God forbid you let go of your grasp ever so slightly in case your children broke free of you, eh father?... Still though... Maybe I should have stayed, maybe I could've...
Eve... My sister... I miss you so... Big blue eyes, glimmering gold hair, innocent. She was just nine when I condemned her to Hell.
{But it isn't over yet.
Not when you built your castle out of barricades
To guard against the fools you beat so long ago
Long before you even knew they were fools, but
Even long still since you saw a God in anyone}
My thoughts kept wandering back and forth between the present and the past.
I stood from my couch and began to pace. Have I really changed that much? No. If Lea started telling me what to do, even if it were to save my life, would I rebel and leave? Or would I listen to him? Would I listen to the point that I would become that insecure girl who cannot think for herself anymore once again? Every possible answer scared me. I didn't want to be alone but I didn't want to rely on someone when at any given moment they may run or take complete control.
What of Izaya? He would take control if he saw the opportunity. There was no doubt, but at least with him there was certainty on what he would do, and as long as I remained useful to him, he would stay, he would take over, I would become his living puppet on his string.
I shook my head, trying to clear my head out. I can't think of Izaya, I shouldn't. The only time I should is when I'm trying to think of a way out of my deal with him. His smile though... Always sends chills down my spine, his smile is one that you should beware of. One you should never hope to see.
In a sick twisted way though, I welcomed it. I couldn't help but to smile back at him.
{And, for such an independent soul,
You sure wanted to believe in someone else
Can you blame them that you hate them?
Smirking girl, you ask too much}
It's a disease, allowing Izaya in my life. Why? Why did I do it? Lea... You were right, weren't you?
Of course he was, even if he was wrong about Izaya, he is still just trying to look out for me. I'm an adult though, I don't need someone to watch over me! I'm allowed to make my own mistakes!
I took a deep breath and sat back down, covering my face with my hands. Why was I getting so angry at him? He's just ensuring that I don't make his mistakes, fall into that pit where even you begin to see yourself as a tool to be used, then thrown away once the job was finished. Who'd want to think like that? To have so little self respect for yourself?
If I stayed the way I am now though, I'm well on my way.
How pathetic am I though? I want to be told what to do, where to go. I want to be free though. I know though that for me, there is no middle ground, I'll end up doing the extreme of either side.
{Who said anyone would show you the way?
Who said anyone would care what you'll do someday?
You're all alone here
You can't buy what isn't there
You're all alone here
You can't change what isn't fair}
I removed my hands away from my face and looked around. I guess I'll always be this way. I'll be alone but not truly alone because Lea and Noctis wouldn't allow it. In solitude, but still stalked but Izaya's ever watchful gaze.
Maybe I should have stayed home and gotten dragged to Hell. There was a certainty about my life there, it wouldn't be a good life but it wouldn't be a constant question either. I'd still have my mother and Eve as well, I'd see that bastard of a father suffer. They must hate me though, even if I were to go to the otherworld and see them, they would hate me. Wouldn't they? I was old enough to try, I was 16, but...
There was a knock on the door and I stood from where I sat and walked over. I unlocked the door at a snails pace and opened it to find a familiar face.
How? I... My mouth dropped open in shock. He stood there, smile on his face, not a scratch on him. How did he...? It's impossible. How did he find where I lived? This is a dream... This is a dream!
Only one word was able to escape my mouth.
"Father...."
{How obstinate you are
You can't forgive them
All they did was make you cry
On every day that passed you by
How wise they were to know you didn't like them
How foolish they should have to ask you why}
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ok Vicky here, hi peoples!
Anyways, obviously this is about Aya, I wasn't really planning on doing any writing things about her, but then I got in the writing mood and was listening to this
I got the sudden desire to write something sad and the saddest character I have = Aya so... Yeah
Feel free to critique and all that, I hope you enjoyed it and gave you insight into Aya's character and her what seems to be the cluster-f*** of emotions and guilt she has.
BTW Poem is Smirking Girl by Emilie Autumn
Kinda obvious though lol
Le gasp, I must flee!
I really need to quit it with the ten-gajillion-characters thing.