Post by Shiki on Aug 22, 2012 10:07:06 GMT -5
Not long after Sora left.
Being alone gave you time to think. It gave you time to figure out your emotions, to really know what you were experiencing. When you were alone, reality can sink in and you can deal with it yourself. Shiki got that opportunity…she wished she hadn’t. She didn’t want to work out how she felt, realize what exactly was going on. Most of all, she didn’t want to think about Sora.
But how could she not? He had left only a little while ago and she was still reeling about it. Alone in her apartment and unable to sleep, she sat at a table, staring down at her hands. He had left for apparently the Network’s own good. Well okay, he suddenly knew that. How did he know what the best thing was, huh? Just because he was Ghost Rider didn’t mean-it didn’t warrant-ugh!
Shiki jumped to her feet and ran her hands through her hair. She was so mad at him! He just left, went off and left her here! How could he do that? Didn’t he know that she needed him, right here, right now? No, she hadn’t ever told him that. Temper rising, she paced the room, her thoughts making it worse. And he just took the blame for everything and disappeared off the face of the earth. Who does that?! Looks like Sora Shimomura did!
Oh calm down. You know he did it for a reason, quit being selfish. The sensible and not emotionally jumbled up part of her brain found her behavior ridiculous. He was trying to help, do the right thing and all she wanted was him to be right in front of her. Emotions kicked Reason in the face, they had an agreement! They were supposed to go through this together, work as a team. He didn’t, he did his own thing, and now he was gone.
Gone. That word had never had much meaning to her until that moment. She stopped pacing and bit her lip. Emptiness, which was what she was trying to not feel. It made itself aware and she sighed, feeling tears form in her eyes and that surprised her. She hadn’t cried in forever. I’m not going to cry. I will not cry, I will not, cry, I. will. Not.
With a quick swipe across her eyes with her arm Shiki wiped away the forming tears. She sank onto her couch and brought her knees to her chest, staring at the wall. Anger burned within her, she wanted to scream at him, tell him off. But she couldn’t of course. She sighed, burying her head, “You’re an idiot, Sora.”
One Month Later
He wasn’t coming back. Not now, with all this going on. Shiki’s anger had died down and been replaced with the emptiness, a piece of her life missing. She didn’t know how to deal with that, it confused her every day. How was she supposed to handle this emotion? She’d never missed anyone like this before. Never had anyone she cared about been pulled from her life. The pain she felt was so foreign to her, that she tried to ignore it. By pretending that everything with her was okay to everyone else, fooling herself into thinking that if she distracted her mind she’d be able to forget he wasn’t around.
She threw herself into working for the Network, doing whatever she had to do and staying focused on it. Shiki didn’t bother questioning much, everyone was scrambling to figure out what to do anyway. If she wasn’t doing things for the Network she was doing her regular job or trying to just live her regular life. In this way she was able to forget about Sora in small periods of time, banish the feeling of emptiness until later when it returned.
But when she was alone, or even if her mind wandered, she had time to think. Shiki would wonder where he was, if he was alright, and if he was ever coming back. Letting possibilities run wild until she scared herself and made her angry for thinking them. At times she’d look behind her as if expecting him to be there, watching her. And she’d remember he wasn’t there to watch her back, make sure nothing happened. Those days were over.
“Shiki?” She snapped out of her daze and looked to who had called her name, Aqua. They had met at a store and she’d gone into a state again without meaning to. Forcing a smile she said, “Sorry I was just thinking.”
Then, not wanting to see if there was concern in the mother’s eyes, she reached into a clothing rack and pulled out a shirt, “Think I’d look cute in this?” Giggling, she spun in a circle while the mother smiled at her, though there was something in her eyes that told the red head that she knew there was something wrong. She didn’t need anyone’s help with this though, she could handle her own problems. Besides, they were just emotions…
And only one person could make her feel differently.
Five Months After Sora Disappeared
Ignorance. One word that could easily be used to describe how Shiki went about everything. As she walked down the streets of Urbadelphia, entered everyday places, passed memorable spots. Ignorance described her mind set perfectly. She carried the feeling of emptiness everywhere now, knew it was there even when she was distracted. There was no getting rid of that.
But she avoided all talk of Sora. She never brought him up on her own and if someone else did, she stayed quiet and turned off her hearing or wormed her way out of the topic. It was impossible to not think of him. When she did, she’d quickly try to find something else. The feeling of hurt, she didn’t know how to deal with it. So she tried to block it out as much as possible.
Even though she really did need him with certain things that had happened during the past months. A small part of her, the part that wanted to deal with her issues by herself, was relieved, she didn’t know what he would do if he was here. The rest wanted him back, needed him to be there…but he wasn’t. Shiki had learned to grasp that, she wasn’t being protected by him anymore. She didn’t look for Sora, she knew he wouldn’t appear out of nowhere. Her problems were her own once again.
And so when Damon would appear next to her on the street or she was with Namine, everything remained. She carried her burdens, dealt with her emotions in her own manner. Maybe it was unhealthy to block what you cared about because the feeling of missing someone you didn’t understand. Or, mainly, because you couldn’t deal with missing a piece of you. Shiki didn’t care what anyone else thought, she felt that this was the only way to keep her sane. To bury hope inside a void and wait for it to escape.
Then there would be those days once in a while where Damon would be there and say out of the blue, speaking his thoughts aloud, “Wonder if Ghost Rider is ever coming back.” As if he could read the one question carved into the stone of her mind that was hidden in the dark. And she would feel the hurt, the hopelessness, the anger, and the fear. She’d look far off, her voice almost dreamlike as she fought down her emotions, shut the hurt away as much as possible, “I wonder that myself…”
The easiest part of this was Shiki's rant in the begining...heheh. Yep, so this is how she handled her emotions during this whole time. As a little side note, Vaan was the one that let the hope inside the void escape. ^^' Hope you liked it.
Being alone gave you time to think. It gave you time to figure out your emotions, to really know what you were experiencing. When you were alone, reality can sink in and you can deal with it yourself. Shiki got that opportunity…she wished she hadn’t. She didn’t want to work out how she felt, realize what exactly was going on. Most of all, she didn’t want to think about Sora.
But how could she not? He had left only a little while ago and she was still reeling about it. Alone in her apartment and unable to sleep, she sat at a table, staring down at her hands. He had left for apparently the Network’s own good. Well okay, he suddenly knew that. How did he know what the best thing was, huh? Just because he was Ghost Rider didn’t mean-it didn’t warrant-ugh!
Shiki jumped to her feet and ran her hands through her hair. She was so mad at him! He just left, went off and left her here! How could he do that? Didn’t he know that she needed him, right here, right now? No, she hadn’t ever told him that. Temper rising, she paced the room, her thoughts making it worse. And he just took the blame for everything and disappeared off the face of the earth. Who does that?! Looks like Sora Shimomura did!
Oh calm down. You know he did it for a reason, quit being selfish. The sensible and not emotionally jumbled up part of her brain found her behavior ridiculous. He was trying to help, do the right thing and all she wanted was him to be right in front of her. Emotions kicked Reason in the face, they had an agreement! They were supposed to go through this together, work as a team. He didn’t, he did his own thing, and now he was gone.
Gone. That word had never had much meaning to her until that moment. She stopped pacing and bit her lip. Emptiness, which was what she was trying to not feel. It made itself aware and she sighed, feeling tears form in her eyes and that surprised her. She hadn’t cried in forever. I’m not going to cry. I will not cry, I will not, cry, I. will. Not.
With a quick swipe across her eyes with her arm Shiki wiped away the forming tears. She sank onto her couch and brought her knees to her chest, staring at the wall. Anger burned within her, she wanted to scream at him, tell him off. But she couldn’t of course. She sighed, burying her head, “You’re an idiot, Sora.”
-
One Month Later
He wasn’t coming back. Not now, with all this going on. Shiki’s anger had died down and been replaced with the emptiness, a piece of her life missing. She didn’t know how to deal with that, it confused her every day. How was she supposed to handle this emotion? She’d never missed anyone like this before. Never had anyone she cared about been pulled from her life. The pain she felt was so foreign to her, that she tried to ignore it. By pretending that everything with her was okay to everyone else, fooling herself into thinking that if she distracted her mind she’d be able to forget he wasn’t around.
She threw herself into working for the Network, doing whatever she had to do and staying focused on it. Shiki didn’t bother questioning much, everyone was scrambling to figure out what to do anyway. If she wasn’t doing things for the Network she was doing her regular job or trying to just live her regular life. In this way she was able to forget about Sora in small periods of time, banish the feeling of emptiness until later when it returned.
But when she was alone, or even if her mind wandered, she had time to think. Shiki would wonder where he was, if he was alright, and if he was ever coming back. Letting possibilities run wild until she scared herself and made her angry for thinking them. At times she’d look behind her as if expecting him to be there, watching her. And she’d remember he wasn’t there to watch her back, make sure nothing happened. Those days were over.
“Shiki?” She snapped out of her daze and looked to who had called her name, Aqua. They had met at a store and she’d gone into a state again without meaning to. Forcing a smile she said, “Sorry I was just thinking.”
Then, not wanting to see if there was concern in the mother’s eyes, she reached into a clothing rack and pulled out a shirt, “Think I’d look cute in this?” Giggling, she spun in a circle while the mother smiled at her, though there was something in her eyes that told the red head that she knew there was something wrong. She didn’t need anyone’s help with this though, she could handle her own problems. Besides, they were just emotions…
And only one person could make her feel differently.
-
Five Months After Sora Disappeared
Ignorance. One word that could easily be used to describe how Shiki went about everything. As she walked down the streets of Urbadelphia, entered everyday places, passed memorable spots. Ignorance described her mind set perfectly. She carried the feeling of emptiness everywhere now, knew it was there even when she was distracted. There was no getting rid of that.
But she avoided all talk of Sora. She never brought him up on her own and if someone else did, she stayed quiet and turned off her hearing or wormed her way out of the topic. It was impossible to not think of him. When she did, she’d quickly try to find something else. The feeling of hurt, she didn’t know how to deal with it. So she tried to block it out as much as possible.
Even though she really did need him with certain things that had happened during the past months. A small part of her, the part that wanted to deal with her issues by herself, was relieved, she didn’t know what he would do if he was here. The rest wanted him back, needed him to be there…but he wasn’t. Shiki had learned to grasp that, she wasn’t being protected by him anymore. She didn’t look for Sora, she knew he wouldn’t appear out of nowhere. Her problems were her own once again.
And so when Damon would appear next to her on the street or she was with Namine, everything remained. She carried her burdens, dealt with her emotions in her own manner. Maybe it was unhealthy to block what you cared about because the feeling of missing someone you didn’t understand. Or, mainly, because you couldn’t deal with missing a piece of you. Shiki didn’t care what anyone else thought, she felt that this was the only way to keep her sane. To bury hope inside a void and wait for it to escape.
Then there would be those days once in a while where Damon would be there and say out of the blue, speaking his thoughts aloud, “Wonder if Ghost Rider is ever coming back.” As if he could read the one question carved into the stone of her mind that was hidden in the dark. And she would feel the hurt, the hopelessness, the anger, and the fear. She’d look far off, her voice almost dreamlike as she fought down her emotions, shut the hurt away as much as possible, “I wonder that myself…”
The easiest part of this was Shiki's rant in the begining...heheh. Yep, so this is how she handled her emotions during this whole time. As a little side note, Vaan was the one that let the hope inside the void escape. ^^' Hope you liked it.
