Post by Namine Joy LeBeau on Sept 19, 2012 2:00:44 GMT -5
[For all the is loveable... I'm happy this didn't happen.]
"I don't.... even know if you're out there anymore. But... please come back. Even if you have to go right now. Go somewhere else.... I'll be waiting here. So please.... come back...."
At the time I didn't realize how much I cam to depend on his simple presence when I had stood up and ran. And ran. And ran. And I didn't stop until I had no where to go, several cities away, crying and lost. I'm still in that city, blistering cold and numbly lonely. As if I ripped out what was left of me when I left, never once turning around.
They say you have to learn from your mistakes.
Well, I've already learned enough. I don't give a damn right now about what's going on outside my head, as long as I'm not in a crossing... I am normal.
Normal dammit.
That's all I ever wanted to be.
Not special, not useless, not even loved.
Just.
Normal.
Sighing to myself I turn, my black hoodie's hood over my two days unwashed hair, eyes tired, and face expressionless. Or at least that's what my reflection in the store's glass looks like.
An average girl just scraping by, barely grasping onto reality beyond her own survival...
I meet Zeke again, turns out he's smarter than he looks, a complete computer nerd. He's letting me bunk with him and his two love interests. Yeah two, ones a guy and other a girl, they both get along and stuff, not like he's cheating... That's just how those three work...
But other than that I ask for nothing, take nothing. I sleep on the floor, fend for my own food, don't use their bathroom ever, never turn on a light unless they as me to. I'm not here to mooch, done enough of that in my lifetime and all its gotten me was pain and heart break.
Heart break.
What a foreign feeling now.
A heart I mean.
Nothing thunders in my chest anymore, I no longer fight to feel alive. I hardly speak. Mostly I just watch and wander. Zeke's boy is concerned for me. I don't give a rats...
"Namine!" A voice echos and I frown, looking around for the source. After a moment I find none and sigh. Hearing his voice started about a month ago, when I stopped having nightmares... Now I have daymares...
Clicking my teeth together I hunch my shoulders and begin walking quickly with the crowd. Best to be away from people when they hit.
"Namine, wait!"
My pace quickens as I dodge past people, the voice growing louder in my head. Soon it'll be a full blown out vision... A sick version of REM-Sleep Rebound... A very sick version.
He has no time to look for me... Neither of them do!
Bowing my head I duck into an alley way and slip around to the other side, its a dead end and no one really ever comes down here. Its here that I can allow myself to let go, lose myself in a fake world. One that my mind has created to destroy me.
To make my thought process irrelevant...
The world becomes lighter, everything has a bit of a glow. My eyes close and mind open. Suddenly I am painfully aware that I am sitting on the dirty ground, daydreaming. But I can do nothing for it.
Nothing...
...Come on, Nami... Answer me!
But his sweet voice, echoing.
Echoing.
...Please, just wake up...
He always pleads the same thing, always asks for me to "wake up" normal I listen to him. But today I want to stay under for a little longer.
Just a little longer.
I need you.
".............. No.......... You...... Don't...."
Please, Namine.
Liar.
I miss you.
Stop lying. If you missed me you'd find me, you'd drag me back. You wouldn't just exist in my head. A figment of my past...
I... I didn't want to hurt you.
Hah.
You always say that... He always says that.
... I'm sorry...
Humph.
You didn't do anything anyways... Now let me go back to my life...!
---
"We're sorry, sir... But there is nothing more that we can do," The doctor sighs. "When she was hit by that car she must of suffered head trama... She's in a coma for now..."
And that had been two months ago for Neku Sakuraba. Leo LeBeau sometimes visits, paying for his daughter's hospital bills, but he knows that his blond little angel won't answer to his voice. She barely even reacts to Neku's mental voice, let alone his verbal one.
So things begin to blur and time fades.
Yes.
Time fades...
---
I named this "Last to Know" because Namine is the last to know she's in a coma more or less... Yep... That's all...
"I don't.... even know if you're out there anymore. But... please come back. Even if you have to go right now. Go somewhere else.... I'll be waiting here. So please.... come back...."
At the time I didn't realize how much I cam to depend on his simple presence when I had stood up and ran. And ran. And ran. And I didn't stop until I had no where to go, several cities away, crying and lost. I'm still in that city, blistering cold and numbly lonely. As if I ripped out what was left of me when I left, never once turning around.
They say you have to learn from your mistakes.
Well, I've already learned enough. I don't give a damn right now about what's going on outside my head, as long as I'm not in a crossing... I am normal.
Normal dammit.
That's all I ever wanted to be.
Not special, not useless, not even loved.
Just.
Normal.
Sighing to myself I turn, my black hoodie's hood over my two days unwashed hair, eyes tired, and face expressionless. Or at least that's what my reflection in the store's glass looks like.
An average girl just scraping by, barely grasping onto reality beyond her own survival...
I meet Zeke again, turns out he's smarter than he looks, a complete computer nerd. He's letting me bunk with him and his two love interests. Yeah two, ones a guy and other a girl, they both get along and stuff, not like he's cheating... That's just how those three work...
But other than that I ask for nothing, take nothing. I sleep on the floor, fend for my own food, don't use their bathroom ever, never turn on a light unless they as me to. I'm not here to mooch, done enough of that in my lifetime and all its gotten me was pain and heart break.
Heart break.
What a foreign feeling now.
A heart I mean.
Nothing thunders in my chest anymore, I no longer fight to feel alive. I hardly speak. Mostly I just watch and wander. Zeke's boy is concerned for me. I don't give a rats...
"Namine!" A voice echos and I frown, looking around for the source. After a moment I find none and sigh. Hearing his voice started about a month ago, when I stopped having nightmares... Now I have daymares...
Clicking my teeth together I hunch my shoulders and begin walking quickly with the crowd. Best to be away from people when they hit.
"Namine, wait!"
My pace quickens as I dodge past people, the voice growing louder in my head. Soon it'll be a full blown out vision... A sick version of REM-Sleep Rebound... A very sick version.
He has no time to look for me... Neither of them do!
Bowing my head I duck into an alley way and slip around to the other side, its a dead end and no one really ever comes down here. Its here that I can allow myself to let go, lose myself in a fake world. One that my mind has created to destroy me.
To make my thought process irrelevant...
The world becomes lighter, everything has a bit of a glow. My eyes close and mind open. Suddenly I am painfully aware that I am sitting on the dirty ground, daydreaming. But I can do nothing for it.
Nothing...
...Come on, Nami... Answer me!
But his sweet voice, echoing.
Echoing.
...Please, just wake up...
He always pleads the same thing, always asks for me to "wake up" normal I listen to him. But today I want to stay under for a little longer.
Just a little longer.
I need you.
".............. No.......... You...... Don't...."
Please, Namine.
Liar.
I miss you.
Stop lying. If you missed me you'd find me, you'd drag me back. You wouldn't just exist in my head. A figment of my past...
I... I didn't want to hurt you.
Hah.
You always say that... He always says that.
... I'm sorry...
Humph.
You didn't do anything anyways... Now let me go back to my life...!
---
"We're sorry, sir... But there is nothing more that we can do," The doctor sighs. "When she was hit by that car she must of suffered head trama... She's in a coma for now..."
And that had been two months ago for Neku Sakuraba. Leo LeBeau sometimes visits, paying for his daughter's hospital bills, but he knows that his blond little angel won't answer to his voice. She barely even reacts to Neku's mental voice, let alone his verbal one.
So things begin to blur and time fades.
Yes.
Time fades...
---
I named this "Last to Know" because Namine is the last to know she's in a coma more or less... Yep... That's all...
