Post by Shiki on Nov 11, 2012 13:23:59 GMT -5
I’m an idiot.
I should not be thinking this way. He’s no different; the months haven’t changed him, not even the years. It’s ridiculous, he’s a demon. Not just that, probably not even that at all, but the bottom line is he works for Sin. So how, someone tell me, have I started to…I can’t even say it, can I? It’s not right, it’s just stupid that I...
That I’m starting to…
Trust him.
I shake my head at myself and hold my coffee mug in my hands, running my thumbs on the rim. How could this happen? Damon starts hanging around me and suddenly all this starts, the answerless gap in my head becoming more and more apparent. The questions I have growing clearer. They need to be spoken eventually, yet I’m both reluctant and eager for the response.
And that demon…he doesn’t tell me anything. Avoids my questions like I didn’t even speak, tries to distract me or confuse me. He refuses to acknowledge a lot of what I ask and if I do get an answer it doesn’t make much sense anyway. Ugh, he’s so frustrating! If he’s going to act like Sin isn’t telling him to follow me around and all of this then he can at least just say it. Stupid demon thinks I don’t know anything about my uncle.
My eyes stare down into the drink as I continue to think, as much as I really would prefer not to. But I can’t get rid of this annoying feeling. I want Damon gone. I want him to leave me alone and stop pretending that Sin is being quiet. Things are going to occur, I can feel it. And I don’t want him around when they do. But then something in me yells the opposite. The same feeling I got the day I saw him on Main Street, the whisper and pull of my emotions that argued with my head. It jumps to life and says otherwise, almost mad that I believe what I do. It has a different view point.
I want him here. No not even that…
I need him here.
Anger flares in my veins and I set the mug down on the table so hard that for a moment I think I cracked it and wait for coffee to go everywhere. Fortunately I’m wrong, but that doesn’t calm me. Why the hell am I thinking this way? I don’t need him, I never did and I never will. And yet the feeling insists. I’m growing sick of fighting this.
I sigh and rub my temples, digging deeper into my head as if to come up with an explanation for Damon. There is nothing to discover, I don’t have any idea of why I am thinking like this. But then I touch something, I’m not sure what it is. Before I can even think about glimpsing it my mind rejects it and I am empty handed.
What was that? It was almost like the feeling I had when trying to piece things together when I saw him again. But was there even anything there? It was too quick of an action to tell. I cautiously lift up the coffee and when it doesn’t leak I sip from it and then frown and set it down. My next thought has somehow spoiled the taste of my drink, making it bitterer than it really is to me.
The only thing I can even guess that would affect my thinking…is the memory of that night. The last time I saw Damon before our reunion here. But wouldn’t that make me more suspicious? I mean…he let me go. Why would he do that? Why would he disobey my uncle?
More questions pop up.
More aggravation comes.
I place my head on the table and groan. I’m too tired to think about this anymore. These curiosities are going to give me a major headache. For a while I stay like this, then I hear my phone vibrate on the table. I lift my head and reach for it, pausing as I notice who the text is from. The debate of actually reading it happens, but I end up choosing to.
Are you awake?
I’ve been up.
I find it amusing that the question would be asked, but since I’ve slept in until noon a lot it’s fitting.
I see. Sleep well?
Not really.
The next message takes longer to come, but by the time it does I already know what I’m going to say.
Well, I should have known that.
Yeah. Listen, I’ve been thinking constantly. When are you going to explain more to me?
I am impatient for the response and am annoyed with it arrives.
Shiki, you’re not ready. I promise, when you are I will. But now is not the time.
When will it be time? How am I supposed to deal with this if you’re holding information from me?
I wait. My foot taps against the ground, I bite my lip. It is pointless to fight, I always loose. I already know the battle is over, it was as soon as I asked.
I’m sorry, Shiki. I’ll know when you’re ready. Believe me.
There isn’t really a choice to or not. I don’t want to talk anymore.
I’m going out.
Keep in touch.
Well there’s no point in stopping contact now that I’ve started. I put my mug in the sink and shrug on a jacket. A walk sounds great, but no sooner have I developed a solid pace has Damon appeared next to me. My mind is both annoyed and relieved. I’m too frustrated to even pay attention to the part telling me it’s a good thing he’s come. Instead I just keep my rhythm of walking and focus on how I’m going to get rid of him…
---
This is to provide explanation for some things. Also to hint at stuff. Who is Shiki talking to? I will not say! Feel free to guess~
I should not be thinking this way. He’s no different; the months haven’t changed him, not even the years. It’s ridiculous, he’s a demon. Not just that, probably not even that at all, but the bottom line is he works for Sin. So how, someone tell me, have I started to…I can’t even say it, can I? It’s not right, it’s just stupid that I...
That I’m starting to…
Trust him.
I shake my head at myself and hold my coffee mug in my hands, running my thumbs on the rim. How could this happen? Damon starts hanging around me and suddenly all this starts, the answerless gap in my head becoming more and more apparent. The questions I have growing clearer. They need to be spoken eventually, yet I’m both reluctant and eager for the response.
And that demon…he doesn’t tell me anything. Avoids my questions like I didn’t even speak, tries to distract me or confuse me. He refuses to acknowledge a lot of what I ask and if I do get an answer it doesn’t make much sense anyway. Ugh, he’s so frustrating! If he’s going to act like Sin isn’t telling him to follow me around and all of this then he can at least just say it. Stupid demon thinks I don’t know anything about my uncle.
My eyes stare down into the drink as I continue to think, as much as I really would prefer not to. But I can’t get rid of this annoying feeling. I want Damon gone. I want him to leave me alone and stop pretending that Sin is being quiet. Things are going to occur, I can feel it. And I don’t want him around when they do. But then something in me yells the opposite. The same feeling I got the day I saw him on Main Street, the whisper and pull of my emotions that argued with my head. It jumps to life and says otherwise, almost mad that I believe what I do. It has a different view point.
I want him here. No not even that…
I need him here.
Anger flares in my veins and I set the mug down on the table so hard that for a moment I think I cracked it and wait for coffee to go everywhere. Fortunately I’m wrong, but that doesn’t calm me. Why the hell am I thinking this way? I don’t need him, I never did and I never will. And yet the feeling insists. I’m growing sick of fighting this.
I sigh and rub my temples, digging deeper into my head as if to come up with an explanation for Damon. There is nothing to discover, I don’t have any idea of why I am thinking like this. But then I touch something, I’m not sure what it is. Before I can even think about glimpsing it my mind rejects it and I am empty handed.
What was that? It was almost like the feeling I had when trying to piece things together when I saw him again. But was there even anything there? It was too quick of an action to tell. I cautiously lift up the coffee and when it doesn’t leak I sip from it and then frown and set it down. My next thought has somehow spoiled the taste of my drink, making it bitterer than it really is to me.
The only thing I can even guess that would affect my thinking…is the memory of that night. The last time I saw Damon before our reunion here. But wouldn’t that make me more suspicious? I mean…he let me go. Why would he do that? Why would he disobey my uncle?
More questions pop up.
More aggravation comes.
I place my head on the table and groan. I’m too tired to think about this anymore. These curiosities are going to give me a major headache. For a while I stay like this, then I hear my phone vibrate on the table. I lift my head and reach for it, pausing as I notice who the text is from. The debate of actually reading it happens, but I end up choosing to.
Are you awake?
I’ve been up.
I find it amusing that the question would be asked, but since I’ve slept in until noon a lot it’s fitting.
I see. Sleep well?
Not really.
The next message takes longer to come, but by the time it does I already know what I’m going to say.
Well, I should have known that.
Yeah. Listen, I’ve been thinking constantly. When are you going to explain more to me?
I am impatient for the response and am annoyed with it arrives.
Shiki, you’re not ready. I promise, when you are I will. But now is not the time.
When will it be time? How am I supposed to deal with this if you’re holding information from me?
I wait. My foot taps against the ground, I bite my lip. It is pointless to fight, I always loose. I already know the battle is over, it was as soon as I asked.
I’m sorry, Shiki. I’ll know when you’re ready. Believe me.
There isn’t really a choice to or not. I don’t want to talk anymore.
I’m going out.
Keep in touch.
Well there’s no point in stopping contact now that I’ve started. I put my mug in the sink and shrug on a jacket. A walk sounds great, but no sooner have I developed a solid pace has Damon appeared next to me. My mind is both annoyed and relieved. I’m too frustrated to even pay attention to the part telling me it’s a good thing he’s come. Instead I just keep my rhythm of walking and focus on how I’m going to get rid of him…
---
This is to provide explanation for some things. Also to hint at stuff. Who is Shiki talking to? I will not say! Feel free to guess~