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Post by Shiki on Jan 13, 2013 17:37:22 GMT -5
She'd expected anger and disagreement. But she hadn't been prepared for the force of Namine's words at all. It struck her somewhere deep and she knew for a fact that something in her had snapped. But she kept her expression the same and her voice calm and level.
Getting worked up and showing her emotions wasn't what needed to happen. She could not think of her own betrayal if that was what this was or not. Her own feelings couldn't get in the way. And so she took the advice one demon had told her a long time ago.
She numbed herself. Forgetting the pain the was raging within her and her own emotions weaving themselves into cracks of her soul. The red head looked at Namine, her face blank of any sort of feeling. It was both Shiki and not, someone controlled and yet someone hiding.
"I didn't mention anything that either of you had said. I kept that confidential," she was still looking at Namine, "It was the concerns you two kept telling me that I had to repeat my advice about." Did that make anything better? Probably not. She looked to Neku, "You going with this?"
Still calm.
Still controlled.
And she refused to budge from that.
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Post by Neku Sakuraba on Jan 13, 2013 17:41:27 GMT -5
I nodded.
"Y-yeah. Sorry. Migraine. Chronic. GImme a sec." I popped four Advil, dry. I was going to need them.
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Post by Namine Joy LeBeau on Jan 13, 2013 17:46:17 GMT -5
Oh, oh, oh?!
Really?
We're going to be playing this game, now, huh?
I frown deeply, but don't say a word, at least she's trust worthy... unlike some people I know... Unlike some people...
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Post by Shiki on Jan 13, 2013 18:03:26 GMT -5
She waited for Neku, thinking to where to even start. Namine's outburst had scattered her plan, and she had to bring it back. Shiki tried to think clearly, and found herself looking to Neku. Asking Namine to start off felt like she was going even farther into the danger zone.
"So, when I talked to you..." How was she going to say this without Namine flipping? She had no clue as to which way to word it, so she said, "Well, what do you really want to talk to her about?"
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Post by Neku Sakuraba on Jan 13, 2013 18:24:25 GMT -5
I shrugged. "I dunno. I mean.... really, everything's fine."
It was kind of a pathetic lie, but Nami's anger had completely shut me down. I didn't want to say anything, it'd only make her madder, and really, this was my own shit to sort out.
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Post by Namine Joy LeBeau on Jan 13, 2013 18:27:10 GMT -5
My eyes close against his stupidity, his emotions, always rolling over in wave. Stupid Neku.
Opening them I turn an angry gaze at him, "Well, I have a problem with you, dammit. Stop hidding you jack ass."
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Post by Shiki on Jan 13, 2013 18:42:54 GMT -5
Shiki said nothing, just uncrossed and then recrossed her legs and watched.
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Post by Neku Sakuraba on Jan 13, 2013 18:43:00 GMT -5
"What do you want me to say? That I can't do it anymore? That I'm worried about you? Ive told you those things and you just smile and say you're fine and you'll be here for me and you're alwas lying through your goddamn teeth! Either that or you get mad at me, angry for no reason and then shut me out. WHich you're doing right now! So what good does talking do? I'm not hiding, goddammit! I've just given up, okay? Maybe I'm not that amazing, awesome guy who's strong a hundred percent of the time. I've been trying, but it's no use. And now you're going to yell, clam up, and say that's your job. Or smile and pretend it's all okay. If I told you I felt like it was all my fault, you'd lie and tell me it's nobody's or start blaming yourself which is wrong too! So I'll just go back to being the Neku you fell for and not the Neku who's not sure of anything anymore. Okay? Because I like him better, too."
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Post by Namine Joy LeBeau on Jan 13, 2013 18:46:10 GMT -5
Frown.
"I will do neither then. I will not shut down and I will not comfort you," Well, that's a shit load, but... at least he's talking dammit. "And I do listen... I just... Can't fix you... Don't want to fix you."
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Post by Neku Sakuraba on Jan 13, 2013 18:48:28 GMT -5
"Why the hell not? Things that are broken need to be fixed. Everything I have is crumbling apart and it's all! My! FAULT!"
The last word was a cry, a yell. I wanted to hit something, lash out, destroy like I was on my way to destroying the best thing I'd ever had.
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Post by Namine Joy LeBeau on Jan 13, 2013 18:50:34 GMT -5
Blink.
I do not flinch away from this anger, this tidal wave. Instead I stand up straight, "That's right, yell, scream, let it out... And when you're done... Let me know... I promise I won't get upset."
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Post by Neku Sakuraba on Jan 13, 2013 19:13:55 GMT -5
"I..... I....!"
I wanted to scream some more, to yell, but I didn't know what to say. So I just yelled.
"ARRGH!" I cried, standing up, pacing around the room, searching for words I could throw at her, things I could say, and not finding any, so I yelled again. "ARGH! Why?! I.... just.... why?! WHy are we acting likethis? Why are we screaming at each other, what's wron wit the both of us? I've got an excuse, I'm a fucking demon, but you've been acting less and less like Nami and more and more like a stranger and I'm just worried. I'm scared. I hate this, we're acting like each other's enemy but aren't we in love? Did we somehow stop being able to do that? I hate it Nami! And with all of my strength, everything I had before and everything I have now, I can't protect what's mine and it pisses me off!"
I yelled again, before spinning and cracking the wall, feeling the satisfaction of something shattering from the force of my body and part of me still being scared, disturbed by the fact that it was the wall that cracked and not my fist.
Then, slowly, rage and energy suddenly quieted, I slumped to the floor, staring at my hands, then clenching them into fists.
"I'm scared, alright, Namine? Just a few weeks ago, I was so sure. I was sure about everything - where I stood, where you stood, what I had to do and ow I felt. I made my decision and everything was clear and perfect and wrapped up in a neat little package. Whatever the consequences, I knew what was right for me and I took that chance with both hands and held on. ANd then... then came the aftermath, and now I'm not so sure anymore. Everything's perfect and right and completley okay on one level, but on the others, everything's just a mess. I'm scrambling to pick up the pieces and somewhere in there, I lost us and you and everything else and now everything is falling apart. All of my wants and needs and instincts demand that I keep everything together... just as everything's going to pieces the most. And all of that scares you like hell, even though you don't know why. And I'm scared of how much it scares you, because... you're mine, you're my love, you're my girlfriend, hell, according to you and everyone you talk to you're my fiancee and I don't want to hurt you. You may not remember the kind of hell he put you through, but I do. I've seen your scars, too. Scars you couldn't remember how you got. I saw where he signed his name with his claws..... aren't you scared of what I could do with mine? Deep down inside you're afraid of me and you shut me out and it makes me mad because if I had just made a different choice, I could've been everything you needed and I thought of myself instead, just like Him. I'm turning into Him in your eyes, right before mine, and I don't know what to do. Because it's true. I'm just like Him, turning out just like Him, no matter what Shiki says, and I hate it! Because everything in me wants to rip him to shreds, destroy him so thoroughly not even his memory can haunt us anymore, and.... and that makes me just like him. Violence was his answer to every problem, things didn't go his way? He'd force them to, and I'm just as bad and.... and.... I just.... I don't know what to do anymore. I wish I could get back that certainty."
I felt wings wrap around me and realized that somewhere during the speech I'd lost control of my own power, the disguise slipping away without me ever realizing it. I felt like making myself as small as I could in the corner.
"I just.... don't know what to do anymore," I repeated numbly.
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Post by Namine Joy LeBeau on Jan 13, 2013 19:24:17 GMT -5
Lets just say there are two things I hate. One... Angel... And two... Neku thinking he's Angel, the idiot. I may have promised to not comfort him... But that's not who I, the real me, the one below the mask, is... I hope I can make things correct again, the way things should be... Dammit Namine, stop doing stupid things!
Ugh, stop whining... Fine, five minutes... But ONLY five minutes!
Deal, now... let us remember.
I crossed to him with little thought and whisper softly to him, "Neku, we've been through this many times... I am not yours, I am not a possession, but I do love you... And secondly... Stop taking all this Angel stuff to your head, its only ruining you..."
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Post by Neku Sakuraba on Jan 13, 2013 19:26:40 GMT -5
I clung to her tightly.
"I hate being weak. I know I don't own you, but it's not about ownership.... it's about love. It's about.... what it's my job to protect. And not being able to protect those things, those people, from myself. I've hurt you.... I'm sorry..."
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Post by Namine Joy LeBeau on Jan 13, 2013 19:30:16 GMT -5
"No, Neku," I say firmly, holding him close now. "You haven't messed anything up, its not your fault... Stop blaming yourself... Sure, you've made mistakes... But they aren't what has brought us to here today... So... Please... Its okay... Everything will be okay."
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