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Post by Neku Sakuraba on Jan 13, 2013 19:40:31 GMT -5
"Maybe we've both made mistakes. DOn't take all the blame, Nami; I've got some too. And.... I hope things'll be alright. It's my job to tell everyone everything's going to be fine, but I can't say that right now, I'm tired of lying, telling people it's going to for sure turn out alright when I can't guarantee it to myself."
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Post by Namine Joy LeBeau on Jan 13, 2013 19:45:28 GMT -5
Frown.
"I never said it was going to be okay for you and me... I just said it was going to be okay... Neku, I've got some growing up to do and you... Well... You need some Neku time... Take a real vacation. Lea, Me, and I bet even Shiki will work together while you're gone..."
After a moment I pull away, "But for now... Neither of us can be the person the other needs us to be, so... Maybe I should just set you free for a bit... What do you think, Neku... Should we take a break from each other?"
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Post by Neku Sakuraba on Jan 13, 2013 19:54:43 GMT -5
I gave a small, sad smile. I pulled her close, gave her a soft kiss on the lips - brief, small.
"No," I said quietly. "No... it would be me setting you free. To live your own happy life..."
I stood, drying the tears that I hadn't noticed shedding. I had my wish; I could feel that certainty again, the surety of knowing exactly where I stood.
"Shiki... I'm sorry. I know this isn't where you wanted this to lead, but it's for the best."
I walked towards the stairs, paused.
"...goodbye, Namine."
Then I ran up them, straight to the roof.
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Post by Shiki on Jan 13, 2013 20:06:05 GMT -5
What the hell did she just do?
Shiki couldn't speak for a long time. This wasn't what she wanted, not even close. I just destroyed there lives. I can't believe I did this. I caused all of this.
She let out a shaky breath, closed her eyes, focused on keeping her sheild up. If she broke now it would be stupid. "Namine...you okay?"
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Post by Namine Joy LeBeau on Jan 13, 2013 20:13:43 GMT -5
Its as if two time lines clash with each other. My last birthday, Neku leaving here with a huge grin on his face and me finally released from Angel's grasp. Everything perfect, everything wonderful.
And just a moment ago... This is anything, but... freeing...
Shiki's voice just barely cuts through the heavy feeling of reality, something I haven't felt in years. My knees give out under it and I gasp for air, heart feeling torn. Tears flow freely and all I can do is mutter to myself over and over and over again one thing:
"Stupid, stupid, Namine. You're so stupid, stupid stupid."
I.
Feel.
So...
Broken.
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Post by Shiki on Jan 13, 2013 20:22:24 GMT -5
She cautiously moved next to her, getting on her knees. Her sister..hell...did she even deserve that anymore? Did she even deserve to be her friend? No, she didn't.
Shiki didn't know whether Namine wanted her there or far away. But she put her hand lightly on her shoulder, barely touching, "Namine..." And waited to see whether she'd be shoved back or even acknowledged at all.
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Post by Namine Joy LeBeau on Jan 13, 2013 20:31:22 GMT -5
A few more gasping sobs before a hand is placed on my shoulder. A gentle voice speaks my name and I turn, clinging to Shiki, "I thought he would say no, I thought he would say no!"
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Post by Shiki on Jan 13, 2013 20:39:04 GMT -5
As tightly as she could she wrapped her arms around Namine, holding her close, "I'm so sorry, Namine. I'm so sorry."
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Post by Namine Joy LeBeau on Jan 13, 2013 21:09:45 GMT -5
I huggle my sister close, "Its not your fault, not at all... so don't apologize."
It's all my fault.
All my fault, always my fault, my fault... My fault.
Good to see you again.
Oh shut up!
I hug her closer, my chest throbbing and tears still running down my face.
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Post by Shiki on Jan 13, 2013 21:24:42 GMT -5
Because she felt differently, she couldn't agree. She brushed a few strands of hair from Namine's face and held her as close as she could. Shiki couldn't say it was okay. She couldn't say everything would be okay. "Don't you take all the blame..."
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Post by Namine Joy LeBeau on Jan 14, 2013 14:16:00 GMT -5
For a moment or two I'm disoriented. But then it comes back to me... My lungs feel like they are on fire and I'm barely holding my breath deep under the raging current. Peace would come if I just opened my mouth and let myself drown completely. But I can't do that, I can't do that, won't do that. So I slowly stop sobbing, the ache in my chest where my heart is shuddering and lungs have been sputtering for air is a dull pain now, all my pain is dull now. Dull, dull, dull.
Like an echo of a memory I can't quite remember. But then, then I, then I see it a bit more clearly. A sadden smile as a blond gently nudges me towards the door, blood running from his wounds, holes from a knife... the ones I had put there. I couldn't leave him, couldn't leave him...
"I didn't say yes..."
My arms had wrapped around him and dragged him out and away. A small ticking sounding in my head, always conscious of it as time dragged by. So many attempts, so many stupid attempts... He isn't evil. He could never be evil. He was an angel... MY ANGEL...
"I never said no, not about leaving someone to die..."
Younger now, always moving backwards, ticking ever present. His arms wrapped around me, protecting me from the swarm of... something... Gun shots, a blade just barely missing him, demonic yet reptilian roars, shivering. Me shivering. Him trying to keep us both still. The I felt it, the blood on us both. Its sticky and hurts to be mixed with my scared tears.
More gun shots. Suddenly the sound of curses and fumbling to reload. My heart pounding faster as I hear heavy steps heading towards the fumbles. Suddenly I am out of his arms and in the middle of the swarm, my feet carrying me. Shouting, shouting, grabbing attention. And finally getting it...
"I never let anyone die, I couldn't... I couldn't..."
Years pass, blood lost, people never to be saved. Always. Always. Always on my conscious. I lost them, let them die. My heart aches. Aches. BURNS. Always burning and breaking.
He's almost out. One more foot. His words are kind and encouraging, he knows I won't leave him. And I drag him. Drag, drag, drag far away. Then the ticking stops. Fire explodes from the house, leaving nothing but death. More deaths... This had been a friend's house... A friend named Zeke...
I remember now... it had been my fault...
Everything... Is... Always...
"... And everything, Shiki..."
My fault.
Always.
And.
Forever.
"...Is always my fault... I don't let go, I can't pull away... So its always my fault..."
Death follows me like a cloud, everywhere... Especially in my dreams.
"... Its better he left because he wanted to... Shiki... I should get away before I hu--" Looking in her eyes I realize I've already done it... I broke her... I fucking broke her... "Too late I guess..." And I slowly pull away.
"Well then... Maybe I should just... Run away again, that's what I'm good at... Runnning..." And I walk to the door. "Sorry, Shiki, I can't fix anybody... You on the other hand... You fix people, you heal them... Don't tell yourself otherwise." And instead of seeing her rejection of those words I leave.
I'm going to pack... I am going to... Run...
Far away.
Like always.
Running from the damage I've done... Always leaving some for dead when I do... Never wanting to...
I love her, that's why I can't help her... I'll hurt her, hurt Shiki, more that I already have...
And I'm on the street, looking up to the sky a moment, its sunny like no tomorrow. The skies a bright blue. My English teacher has always been wrong... Nature does not reflect man... Man reflects nature... So I pull on the happy and peaceful mask as I skip down the road, laughing a bit at my own private joke... A perfect act... One I have held for years...
Good bye my loves...
I promise to never have to hurt you again.
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