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Post by Namine Joy LeBeau on Sept 7, 2012 0:31:49 GMT -5
Obviously I was until you mentioned it, ugh!
"Why can't you be like other men and just use me for as long as you can?" I pull back his blanket and wait for his response.
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Post by Neku Sakuraba on Sept 7, 2012 0:50:25 GMT -5
Okay.
There it was.
That spark. That flash. The rush and roar of temper as green fire found gaps created by previously-shattered threads. The new, strong one that Izaya had put up kept most of it at bay, but some of it slipped through the cracks - through the cracks, I realized, had always been there, as long as I could remember, though I had widened them.
"How... how... HOW DARE YOU?!" I cried out. "HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST I'M ANYTHING LIKE HIM?! LIKE THEM!?"
I clenched my fists, feeling anger surge through me like a drug.
This wasn't the anger I'd wanted - I realized that. Another piece of the puzzle clicked into place. But I was too busy wiht rage to think about that now.
"I. WILL. NEVER, EVER DO THAT TO YOU!" I yelled a worldless cry and kicked the sofa. "SO EXCUSE ME FOR GIVING A SHIT ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS!"
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Post by Namine Joy LeBeau on Sept 7, 2012 1:01:23 GMT -5
I remember a time when him being this angry scared me.
I remember a time when this would make my mind paralyze in fear. But... It didn't. I have nothing to say to that, nothing at all. I can't even feel the threat, the instinct to run...
Something...
Is off here.
Is it because I know what he's saying is true...
And why is that what is scaring me? Not the thought of him hurting me, but the fear that I will...
Never...
Shaking my head I dig deep into myself, something, anything!
"I... I know that Neku... But I'm not sorry."
Maybe a little guilty for kicking him from his room now, but not guilty, never guilty...Never again guilty...
And that's another thing that scares me.
"You... You'll always be... Protecting me."
And that...
That made me feel empty...
God.
This is one of those times... That I... Wish...
Never again will I feel that scared, that alive, that... Trapped.
Caged in, yet...
At least then I didn't...
Consciously I cut myself off from Neku as I pull on my pants and shove his dresser out of the way. Throwing open his door I go to the apartment's entrance and slip out, closing it and leaning against it...
"I won't ever be sorry for wanting to feel, Neku... I am sorry for ever hurting you though."
There it is, just below the numbness, guilt.
Grasping onto it I slide deep into myself and my back slips down the door. I sit there, letting Neku fume if he needs. I don't care. Right now... He's not what I need...
I need...
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Post by Neku Sakuraba on Sept 7, 2012 1:27:21 GMT -5
"Namine..." I press my own back to the inside of the door, slide down. She's so close,but the door...
It's like... she's so far away. Miles away. Again, there's the ache of something missing, but not even an 'itchy' feeling to hint to me as to what that might be. And it's overshadowed by the bigger, less mysterious 'missing' ache left by her walking out on me.
".......I am. Sorry, I mean." I lean my head back against the door, close my eyes. "I didn't mean to scare you away."
It's odd. Even though... I don't feel emotions, sometimes, when Nami is feeling something very strongly, I do too. Not just anger, though that comes in the loudest and clearest.
And right now, I felt... nothing. Not the normal kind. Not the me-in-my-own-brain-with-my-own-thoughts kind of nothing.
A nothing so strong it was a something. Weird, strange, stupid, hard to describe, but there it was.
Nothing.
"I didn't want to hurt you," I told her, feeling empty now that her hurt had driven away the rage, and starting to fill with that incredible nothing. "I don't.... even know if you're out there anymore. But... please come back. Even if you have to go right now. Go somewhere else.... I'll be waiting here. So please.... come back...."
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Post by Namine Joy LeBeau on Sept 7, 2012 1:40:58 GMT -5
"I... I promised to always be by your side..."
So, I'm not going anywhere.
But here.
Deep within myself.
Below the numbness.
Below the guilt.
Under the cushion of love and pride.
Here, at the core of myself.
I think, I think I'll stay here for a while. Just let it all go...
I sit there, staring blankly ahead. The back of my head bouncing against the door a couple times before she stands and turns around, tapping on the door, "Neku?" I know he's just on the other side, but I want to address him anyways. "I don't like hurting you, ya know... And I know you don't like doing the same to me... So... When I say this, remember this comes from the heart."
Please don't hate me, My mind whispers as I continue.
"I love you so much that it hurts... And... I can't stand it... If I went away now, I would... doubt the truth... So, I won't leave you... Ever... Just show me a way I know you aren't leaving either..." My fist curl and then I open the door a crack. "Neku?"
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Post by Neku Sakuraba on Sept 7, 2012 1:45:36 GMT -5
I moved, letting the door open. I stood there, straight as I could as I saw her crack it open. I gently take the door from her hands with my mind, an stand there with open arms, eyes flashing a blue-green with the small use of my power.
"I don't know how to show you," I told her, "at least... not immediately. But tomorrow, I'll ifnd something for you. For now.... is this enough?"
ANd I opened my arms a little wider.
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Post by Namine Joy LeBeau on Sept 7, 2012 1:48:51 GMT -5
My feet move faster than my mind and I'm clinging to him like I wish I could of done to my mother... The way I once down to my father... The way Zane used to cling to me... The way me and Angel used to when we woke up from nightmares. My fingers dig into him as I once did to Akira in desperation to feel something. I wish... I... Could...
"Neku..."
... You deserve more than a broken mess, for this... I am sorry.
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Post by Neku Sakuraba on Sept 7, 2012 1:55:43 GMT -5
With closeness and physical contact came a deeper bond. Suddenly, her memories flooded through my mind, the way her nightmares sometimes did, now. Whatever Izaya had done to my brain hadn't messed with our.... bond... at all, evidently. This was the first time I'd ever shared her memories like she had done mine, though, and it was.... strange. Like I was both on the outside and the inside.
I held her tighter, closer, and her words came through at the end, stemming the tide.
"Every broken mess," I said out loud, wanting to feel more real to her than the memories, slowly, so that I could find the right words, "is a piece of art waiting to be whole again. I guess I just see the whole picture better, that's all."
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Post by Namine Joy LeBeau on Sept 7, 2012 2:06:27 GMT -5
I feel a little a warmer, "Neku... Thank you."
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Post by Neku Sakuraba on Sept 9, 2012 2:10:00 GMT -5
"No problem," I said, gently leading her inside.
Then I paused.
"Nami... would you like to spend the night with me?" I asked. "Nothing... adult. Just us, together, sleeping. To drive the nightmares away... for both of us."
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Post by Namine Joy LeBeau on Sept 9, 2012 2:12:01 GMT -5
After a moment I nod, "I... I wanted to do that earlier actually."
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Post by Neku Sakuraba on Sept 9, 2012 2:20:10 GMT -5
I took her hand, just as gently. "Then let's go," I said. "I.... I need someone with me tonight."
I didn't tell her that I had woken up in the middle of the night sometimes to find her there next to me, only to be gone when I was officially waking up to face the day. I don't think I needed to.
I always slept better those nights. I was ready for the pretending to stop. If only for tonight. At least for tonight.
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Post by Namine Joy LeBeau on Sept 9, 2012 2:26:18 GMT -5
Nodding I hold his hand in mine as he leads us, my feet moving in time with his, sighing softly. Well. We're gonna snuggle all night... I think... I hope.
"I'll stay all night then," For a moment I ponder if he knows I sometimes sleep next to him? I hope not, that would be both embarrassing and moot to the point of me leaving before he wakes!
I sigh again and take the lead, dragging him with me onto the bed when we enter his bedroom. I'm already in PJs after all... He can just lose his shoes or something... I don't... Want... Him to... Leave me.
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Post by Neku Sakuraba on Sept 9, 2012 2:31:02 GMT -5
I like to sleep with my shirt off, so I ditched that and my shoes, then crawled under the blankets with her. I didn't really care that she would see me without it - she'd slept next to me before, hadn't she? Besides, we were dating, now. It wasn't a big deal.
"I won't leave you," I said to her. Out loud, so it would be real.
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Post by Namine Joy LeBeau on Sept 9, 2012 2:34:30 GMT -5
I crawl under the covers with him, curling against him, "Thank you." And I bury my face into his shoulder. "I love you."
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